I've always wanted to play the trombone. Not sure that's ever going to happen.

This is brilliant.

Decisions, decisions...

Whoops. My bad.

If dogs had signed The Declaration of Independence:

Zappos is great. You order shoes, they arrive the next day, and you can chew them that afternoon.

Was Toto really the right dog for Dorothy?

Here's what I would have done: Chase that stupid Wicked Witch up a tree, chew her stupid broomstick in half, bite those flying monkeys, and then get us back to Kansas in 5 minutes flat. That's what a dog does for its owner. I'm just sayin'.

Another picture of my invisible fence:

A headline you will NEVER see:

It's my birthday today. I think that means I get special poop bags.

Random things I will bark at tomorrow:

-a curtain rod

-any ceiling fan

-the theme song to "Gilligan's Island"

-anybody named Bob

No wonder cats need 9 lives. Look at the dangerous things they do all day.

I heard a guy complaining about wearing a tie around his neck all day. Too bad, pal.

Mortgage rates are at an all-time low. I'm thinking about buying.

He rides around in a fire truck. I'm stuck with a Hyundai.

For Sale:

1 slightly chewed grandfather clock

1 slightly chewed package of Fruit of The Loom Underwear

1 slightly chewed lawn mower

1 slightly chewed screen door

1 slightly chewed canister of Pringles Potato Chips

1 slightly chewed 12-pack of tube socks

1 slightly chewed La-Z-Boy recliner

1 slightly chewed wedding album

1 slightly chewed birdbath

1 slightly chewed garage door

Attention all kids going back to school: For a small fee, I will be the dog who ate your homework.